In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Skynet being a private company so their Terminator robots can do whatever they want to you, Democratic states are suddenly following the science on lockdowns, and how the right is learning from the left’s past four years on how to cope when they feel like the president is not their president. There’s weird news, glorious hate mail, and Kyle can’t say the word “dang.”
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Kyle can’t say ‘dang.’
Stuff That’s Good
Kyle likes C.S. Lewis’ Abolition of Man
Ethan likes Run, Hide, Fight from The Daily Wire
Run Hide Fight Trailer
Joe Exotic had a limo parked outside his prison, along with hair, makeup, and wardrobe people on standby, in case Trump pardoned him which never happened.
A California man was arrested Saturday and accused of hiding in a restricted area of Chicago's O'Hare International Airport for three months.
Stefan Thomas, of San Francisco, says he has made peace with forgetting his Bitcoin password that would turn him into a multimillionaire.
Thomas, who recently was featured in The New York Times, has about $220 million worth of Bitcoin locked away on a hard drive that will erase its data after 10 password attempts.
A New Guinness World Record!
Stories of the Week
Summary: Local man Karl Langler argued that Skynet is a private company and can do what they want as a Terminator T-800 curb-stomped him and then vaporized him with a plasma rifle. “Listen, I hear people actually complaining that this is somehow a human rights violation. But only the government can violate your first amendment rights. Skynet is the creation of Cyberdyne systems and is a private company. They have the freedom to do whatever they want with their own platform.”
Summary: Democrat-run states are now calling on the nation to follow the science by doing what Florida did back in May: don’t do lockdowns.
Summary: Local Republican man Edward Chasney admitted Wednesday that he’s starting to worry Trump might not actually pull off a last-minute 4D chess move to win the election.
Topic of the Week: How to cope with life under a president you find hard to accept
Put on a neon vest and shriek at the sky
Accuse him of colluding with a foreign adversary with no evidence while sleeping with a Chinese spy
Impeach him at least 3 times, even on the final week of his presidency - why not go for four
Riot in every major city, set fires, and loot for weeks on end for like 6 months - but whatever you do DO NOT riot at the capitol
Make every Late Night joke some variation of ‘your president bad’
Have all comedians stop doing comedy and instead spend every waking minute tweeting at the president with some sort of expletive-laden Braveheart speech
Immediately assume half the country is secretly Nazis
When dining out, scream at all the other diners that we now live under a dictator between bites
Take 12 months worth of hormonal birth control at once and scream into your camera
Get a permanent face mask with stay 6 feet away printed on it
Keep all of your friends and family that agree with you close enough to hear the echo in the room
Make sure to do a deep dive into every actor and musician’s Twitter history to make sure they align perfectly with your views. If not, cancel them.
Don’t forget to embrace diversity as long as everyone still sees things exactly as you do
Keep the news on 24 hours a day and never leave the house. Always be on Twitter and your phone. Make sure you know everything the president is doing at all times.
Weep uncontrollably until 2024
Judith seems to think we are racist and don’t understand the Calvinism/Arminianism debate, and doesn’t appreciate the Biden color chart for covid relief calculations.
Behind the Scenes Update
Bonus Hate Mail
Updates to the podcast
Headline Forum Highlights
Got any cool stories